About Me

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'"... I say "High", You say, "Low." You say, "Why?" And I say, "I don't know." You say "Goodbye" and I say "Hello! Hello, Hello!"' - The Beatles

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Hello! I hope you find what you are looking for on some of these pages from my life. I am in this Musical, becoming more than I am currently, but also accepting who I have been and celebrating the now (and sometimes breaking out into song.) I strive to embrace my messy humanness, mistakes and all, and often blog about the struggles. I set my life to music. On posts, this translates to songs left on the bottom. 

I enjoy Sociology and the study of the world we create, combined with the study of the individual mind and Psychology. I believe when we know ourselves first, we make the world a better place. When we combine responsibility, humour, compassion, wisdom and love of the simple, we have the innate privilege of re creating alternatives to the cruelty of the world. Could it be possible that when we embrace our collective grief, pain and mistakes, we learn from them? When we tell our stories, maybe we help create the world we live in? Or as Gandhi challenges, "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."

I am a woman who drowns oceans (click).I believe in the magic that is life. I desire to live this quote, "You must habit yourself to the dazzle of your light and every moment of your life."- Walt Whitman. I encompass dazzle and darkness.

Other descriptors that often fit me are; bohemian decorator, avid reader, movie quoter, lover of the simple life, mother, wife, Dyspraxic learner (click), friend, accidental rebel and (ironically) rule follower, unschooler, INFJ (click),  Scorpio, Enneagram 4 with a 5 wing, paradox, vulnerable soul, Lymie/ Spoonie (See side labels. Anemia is the condition I write about the most), Aspie (click) and obsessive music connoisseur. Music is the soul of my life.

Mindsets change. Posts that I may have written previously show growth in some instances and growth is still needed in other perspectives.

My husband and best friend say that the most accurate descriptor of me is that I am a contradiction. I hold many flexible convictions. Perhaps these paradoxes of mine are pronounced because my highly empathetic, perspective taking INFJ persona, co exists with my highly rational, logical Aspie sense of self?

I don't believe labels are boxes but instead jumping off points to understanding and belonging. Just like music is healing and can be the gateway to understanding, so are labels. My husband says he knows how I am feeling and what I am expressing by the songs I chose to play in the moment. Music is my primary language with the written word coming next.

cursive-fonts cursive-fonts - A Million dreams Lyrics

My first loves besides my family and my self (self love enables the love of others) are music, nature, Broadway, film, reading and expressing creativity. I wish I could have the voice of Keren Carpenter, the role of Elphaba, the audacity of John Lennon, the talent of Darren Criss (as Blaine on Glee or Potter in A Very Potter Musical), the humour of Amy Poehler and the disposition of Audrey Hepburn, but I am also content with who I am, admiring these people from afar.  I am a lover of stories; Gene Kelly dancing in the rain, Audrey making a funny face or selling flowers, Anne adoring Green Gables, Rory reading her books, Paris making her fabulously blunt and quirky statements, Elphaba defying gravity, Thor and Loki actually fighting together, Blaine bursting into song or any momentous moment on Glee, Galadriel bestowing gifts, Annie playing basketball (Father of the Bride), Celia in "The Help", Mia crooning her Audition on La La Land, Marilyn Monroe singing passionately about diamonds, Hermione Granger conjuring spells, Regina gorgeous and sneering whilst wearing fantastic outfits (Once Upon A Time) or Gilbert forever loving Anne so simply...these moments take the true soul of my self and express it with poignant perfection. IF I had to pick ONE movie to encompass who I am it would be Anne of Green Gables- Megan Follows version.(CLICK here for my post on this.) Yet, my story is just as epic as any I have read or seen, because it is mine to live. What could be more profound than that ordinary beauty of song?

I am passionate about pursuing understanding and growth. I believe in changing my mind and having the strength to walk away from what no longer heals. I prefer being eccentric with moments of depth and perception thrown in.

I had a private blog with a loyal following. This space is for the posts I feel comfortable sharing. I average 2-6 posts a month. The archive is worth exploring for topics relevant today or if you are curious about Autism/Aspergers, INFJ personality or personality studies, low Ferritin/ Chronic Illness, Finances (click), or self help posts ect. Please check out side labels or titles for more. Please note, this is NOT just an INFJ blog or an Autism blog or any other themed place. I have links on the side by Musings of an Aspie for anyone looking for an excellent, fully Autistic resource BY an Autistic as well. INFJ material you can find in many places and I suggest searching out Personality sites that give information on ALL the types. If you are looking for a fair resource that covers all personalities - search out 'Personality Growth' blogs. I am not quite that dedicated, even if I do love to hear about all other types in my spare time. I will, of course, write about aspects of myself to either serve my own understanding or to help others I love understand. But I am not going to fairly cover all the types. This is not a blog that is dedicated to any one aspect of self. This blog is simply my writings on what I need to hash out in the current moment. Probably my two favourite posts as of March 2018 are THIS and THIS post, and neither are dedicated to one aspect of Being.

Some people write their titles for posts first to get their story going. I have never been one of those people. As you can probably tell from my horribly long, convoluted, laughable blog post titles. I write them as an afterthought and try to cover the main points. I also tend to use song references. Titles will never come first for me. It's not wrong. Writing catchy titles just is not me. The goal of this blog is to honour my hermit like tendencies, but also to be accessible to the anonymous people finding some words exactly when they need them. A paradox again for myself. I write for people but also solely for myself. I write to heal myself and perhaps others. I value privacy but I also value sharing. I don't wish for many readers but I also wish for the readers to read whom are meant to read...

 I hope this space empowers either by inspiration, friendship, encouragement, challenge, healing or perhaps simply by witnessing life, in our own individual ways, collectively. You are a companion to me in this world we are creating. We are intentional souls singing in our respective musicals (or drama's or epic ~ ordinary stories.) May you go forward to create the unique beauty only your soul is able to give in your story.

cursive-fonts "Here's to the ones who dream, foolish as they may seem. Here's to the heart's that ache. Here's to the mess we make... A little madness is key to give us the colours we seek. Who knows where it may lead us? And that's why THEY NEED US. So bring on the rebels, the ripples from pebbles, the painters and poets and plays. And here's to the fools that dream. Crazy as they may seem. Here's to the hearts that break. Here's to the mess we make"- Audition Emma Stone

P.S.

I try to leave good songs semi- related to my writing on each post, because that is how life plays in my head. My life is a story with a soundtrack. Since this is the 'about me' page, one of my favourite songs is from my favourite musical "Wicked" is "Defying Gravity." Unfortunately, there is not a good web version of Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth singing (which is the best version) but this one is pretty good;

"Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game" ... "It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap. It's time to try defying gravity. I'll think I'll try defying gravity. Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity. And you won't bring me down"... "I'm through accepting limits cuz someone says their so. Some things I can not change but 'till I try, I'll never know. Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost. Well, if that's love it comes at much too high a cost."


My other current favourite is 'A Million Dreams' from the Greatest Showman. Every lyric feels like an INFJ life in the sense that we are dreamers for actualization into future realities. We are futuristic and our million dreams come out in a grounded reality of future thoughts and plans to make a concrete world of home, hearth and belonging for our very few loved ones. Thus this song...;

"I close my eyes and I can see, The world that's waiting up for me, That I call my own. Through the dark, through the door, Through where no one's been before, But it feels like home. They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy. They can say, they can say I've lost my mind. I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy. We can live in a world that we design. 'Cause every night I lie in bed, The brightest colors fill my head, A million dreams are keeping me awake. I think of what the world could be, A vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it's gonna take, A million dreams for the world we're gonna make. There's a house we can build, Every room inside is filled, With things from far away. The special things I compile, Each one there to make you smile, On a rainy day. They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy, They can say, they can say we've lost our minds. I don't care, I don't care if they call us crazy, Runaway to a world that we design. Every night I lie in bed, The brightest colors fill my head, A million dreams are keeping me awake. I think of what the world could be, A vision of the one I see, A million dreams is all it's gonna take, A million dreams for the world we're gonna make. However big, however small, Let me be part of it all. Share your dreams with me, You may be right, you may be wrong, But say that you'll bring me along, To the world you see. To the world I close my eyes to see, I close my eyes to see. Every night I lie in bed, The brightest colors fill my head, A million dreams are keeping me awake. A million dreams, a million dreams. I think of what the world could be, A vision of the one I see, A million dreams is all it's gonna take, A million dreams for the world we're gonna make, For the world we are gonna make..." Writers: Benj Pasek, Justin Paul



And this song basically sums up my life (John Lennon- Watching the Wheels)

"People say I'm crazy, doing what I'm doing. Well they give me all kinds of warnings, to save me from ruin. When I say that I'm ok well, they look at me kindda strange, surely you are not happy now- you no longer play the game?"... "Well, they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me..." ..."But I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round, I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry go round. I just had to let it go!" "People asking questions, lost in confusion. Well, I tell them there's no problem, only solutions. Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind. I tell them there's no hurry, I'm just sitting here doing time."..."I just had to let it go.":



The song "Give me the Simple Life" is a song that describes our family perfectly. It is by Steve Tyrell. Our family calls it our "Autumn song" because Autumn is our season that we tend to tuck in and really savour all of our beautiful life. For me, the first few strains of music in this song feel like a deep breath in a forrest of green.

"Folks are blessed, who make the best of everyday. Living by their own philosophy. Everyone beneath the sun, must find a way. And I have found the only way for me. I don't believe in frettin' or grievin'. Why mess around with strife? I never was cut out, to step and strut out. Give me the simple life. Some find it pleasant, dining on pheasant. Those things roll off my knife. Just serve me tomatoes and mashed patatoes. Ha ha, Give me the simple life. A cottage small is all I'm after. Not one that is spacious and wide. A house that's filled with joy and laughter. With the ones I love inside. Some like the high road, I like the low road. Free from the care and strife. Sounds corny and seedy but yes indeedy. I like the simple life..."
 
https://www.pinterest.com/KAlluraMarie/                           

12 comments:

CalledToQuestion said...

I love this place you have created and I am so glad to be a part of it. You are an inspiration to many. Thank you for all your advice, wisdom and companionship to us all.

Anonymous said...

Well put together. Absolutely love the photo of you and your dad! great!
Sara

More to Life said...

I am so glad you are back; I have missed your blogging very much, and I have missed you too!!!

P.S. - I started a new blog too, this is the username for my new blog.

Cat said...

love it!
♥♥♥

love and light dear one

Kmarie Jones said...

For those who want to email me and do not have my addy- worldwecreate@gmail.com

Full Spectrum Mama said...

sociological (ph.d.!), magical, eclectic, autoimmune-disordered (RA), musical and spectrum-y props to you! Very excited to find this blog, Love,

Karen said...

Hello, this might be a repeat comment as I just posted a comment here and poof, it disappeared. Anyway...just want to say that I found your blog via Momastery today and I'm tickled to have stumbled into your world. I will delight in many of your posts and especially the ASD related posts as my 9-year old daughter is on the spectrum and my 13-year old son has ADHD & anxiety. Life is beautiful and messy indeed...love that original quote from Glennon. :-) Your blog exudes a welcoming freedom and I will visit often, I'm sure. Blessings upon you!! ~~Karen

Kmarie Audrey said...

Full Spectrum Mamma: I thought I commentated here before when you first posted but it must have been lost...As you know from some of our comment interactions on a few posts- You are always welcome here! Thanks for the compliments.

Karen: This page seems to lose comments:) I don't know why...so this isn't a re post and thank you for taking the time to comment again! I am so glad you found my blog! I love Glennon...she writes great stuff! Yes, please read...I do not post too often but the stuff I have already posted ( I think 48 posts thus far) were thought out with great care and are still freshly relevant! Also check out the Musings of An aspie links on my side bar for another great blog! She also has some great posts for females on the spectrum and your daughter! I am glad you feel the welcoming freedom here as that is what I go for in my home (see my decorating post) and online in my spaces:) Sounds like you have some awesome kids and you are an awesome mamma!

Full Spectrum Mama said...

I love the way you frame your writing - the care you take is evident and always appreciated!
Love,

Lisa said...

I am really enjoying your blog. It's insightful and helpful in processing the world, NT or not. Just wanted to say so - I would "like" many posts if there was a button :)

Kmarie Audrey said...

Thanks Lisa:) I think there is a google plus one equivalent to a like but only if you have gmail or google account...I don't have Facebook...:) But that is very kind of you to say and I am so glad the posts are insightful and helpful in processing in the world...that is what I try to go for!:)
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to add your voice:)

Kmarie Audrey said...

Ok I know I commentated back ages ago but it looks like it is not here...SORRY!
Called to Question: Thank you my love- you are my greatest equal and supporter. Without you to understand and loudly applaud the way I am I would feel that much colder. I adore you.
Sara: Thanks for being my best friend and always reading even if you are not a blogger and it's not your thing. Your NT perspectives always bring me balance as I am sure my aspie ones bring you some interesting balance too. We were made to be soul friends...and kindreds.
More to life: Thanks:) I am glad I am back too. I have checked out your blog but noticed you stopped writing...I wish you well.
Cat: Thanks - always love and light back to you. Always...
FUll spectrum...thank you for saying that I take care in writing:) I appreciate that;)